Heart’s Wound

My life’s been a mess from the start of this year, 2008.

Although it’s supposed to be a year we called ‘Sweet 16′ but I don’t see the reason in it. And of course, it never turned up well from the start of my teens.

This year, is the year I excel in studies, learning more about the stream I’ve chosen, Science. My friends and I had grown more matured in the pass years. This year, we were involved in a mental wave caused by new singers from Taiwan, namely 星光大道 on TV. So as a part of the group (as I thought I am) gone together with ‘em to voice-cracking series of singing. I thought it might never lasted long since its just a kind of one time wave, and the second series of the show was not as great a hit as the first. Too bad, it lasted quite sometime and its like three months already.

Then we went on singing, shouting, laughing as someone broke their voice. Sometimes, they did say I don’t sang the way they did, which they thought was brilliant. I tried helping them, telling them what they did wrong and what do I get in return? Rant.

They start to ignore me as time passed. I was gonna stop on my own when something hit me.

One day, just another day, they were singing outside, as usual. Then after I got my tummy filled, I joined them — typical routine for me. Then, one of them spoke, let’s just call him Fish, ” Come I got something I want to say.” and of course being my ordinary self, I won’t resist if anyone wants help from me. Then he took me to an opening just nearby, but just enough to avoid the rest hear.

” Can you stop being the ‘bodyguard’?” he asked with a sort of grin as he always has.

The second I heard that, my heart bloomed with anger while my mind was filled with sorrow and disbelief — they never would reject me like that, in such an manner. Overheard, the others came to see what’s happening, with a look of innocent (just my opinion if they set this up) in their eyes.

“Ok, fine, have it your way,” answer simply, emotionless, I turned my back against them, got back into our class. Behind me, some looked with a look of not understanding what’s going on, him with a smirk on his face and others as though they knew what’s happening.

I felt bad, never thought they would act in such a way. Maybe I just provoked them with my straight-forward attitude, maybe during one of the good ol’ days, when everyone was having fun. I set myself on the thought of this matter, curious of whatever was on his mind. Angered in some form, despair in another.

My ways of seeing things might be off sometimes, but in experience, I’m always better that any of them.

But then, — as usual — a good night sleep was what it cost me. Forgetting what’s the feeling of it instantly the first thing in the morning the second day, I came to school, only remembered to keep away from them when my memories being cast into this long, suffering past.